tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post2356865444561354519..comments2024-02-17T06:39:55.875-08:00Comments on Ben There, Done That: The Conversation I Wish We Were HavingBenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04151204932376899998noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-39197698587293730792022-12-15T22:18:51.416-08:002022-12-15T22:18:51.416-08:00Absolutely correct. Absolutely correct. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-70692517412265134412021-01-12T08:30:49.668-08:002021-01-12T08:30:49.668-08:00I have been listening to your book “A walk in my s...I have been listening to your book “A walk in my shoes.” I am so thankful for your bravery and for the time you took to write this book. I am an active married Latter Day Saint woman and have often struggled on how to support my LGBT friends without going against church teachings. Your book helped me to understand that loving and accepting them as they are is enough. Thank you for sharing you beautiful testimony. Your amazing strength leaves me in awe. Teresanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-76845836640120732492018-01-20T18:17:55.373-08:002018-01-20T18:17:55.373-08:00You my friend just took words out of my mouth. :)You my friend just took words out of my mouth. :)Michael Rhttps://www.poppers.lvnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-54038610831566336892017-06-26T00:54:29.392-07:002017-06-26T00:54:29.392-07:00Ben, thanks so much for your insight. You said exa...Ben, thanks so much for your insight. You said exactly what I've been thinking but didn't know how to verbalize. I think the questions you brought up are valid for any issue that someone feels like they want to share with their ward in a testimony. Gracias amigo por tus sentimientos tan lindos!! Teri (aka TLC)https://www.blogger.com/profile/11405499517096636898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-81131473631147131312017-06-24T17:17:43.417-07:002017-06-24T17:17:43.417-07:00In think if you can live life that way. More power...In think if you can live life that way. More power to you. I could not. I left the church. I am happy. I have a wife. We have been together 21 years. Thank you for sharing. I really enjoyed reading this.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06948381757124424370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-20262976870684804492017-06-23T19:13:46.538-07:002017-06-23T19:13:46.538-07:00Ben, you said this "I would hope that no one ...Ben, you said this "I would hope that no one would put me on a pedestal for being day. That would be a really weird thing for them to do." at 8:38 on June 22. I want to begin by saying you aren't Day, I am! So quit being Day. <br />On a more serious note, you are an example of how to live true to both yourself and our teachings. I tried to be courageous and came out to my bishop. All I said was "I'm gay" and he said, "No, you're not!" He didn't mean to hurt or be negative; and as I read all these posts, I realize we need to find ways to have the conversation, without hate or arguing. We have a long way to go. You are much like a pioneer and many of us are following. Thanks for not giving up!Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11276298781277913302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-3980904648392101822017-06-23T15:31:22.822-07:002017-06-23T15:31:22.822-07:00Hi Jessie, Your questions are fair and actually ve...Hi Jessie, Your questions are fair and actually very thought provoking. I'm not going to pretend to have a profound answer, but what I truly appreciate about this post is that it is trying to help us think through things before we just react. Before we just REACT to someone sharing an experience with us that we may initially think is perhaps not appropriate, pause to think about what it is that person really needs from us and from the Savior. <br />And so, even though you pose your questions about being an adulterer as what I can only assume is in an 'obviously I would never share that' sort of way, I think the point of this post is that yes... you should be able to share that and receive the love and support of a church family that is there for you and ready and willing to help you work through that to come closer to Christ.<br />I think a key factor would be sharing your story appropriately and in settings where it IS going to help you to be better and draw you closer to Christ. That would likely mean you would share your story in a setting with your bishop--as he would be one that could help you to draw closer to Christ through that experience. Others might include close friends that can help be a support as well. That is, I presume, the way that those with SSA would also hope to benefit from sharing their experiences as well. They would like to be surrounded by those that will help to support them as they try to use their experience to draw closer to Christ.<br />The danger (and I'll use that word loosely... maybe 'caution that needs to be considered' is better?) with sharing openly with everyone and anyone (and perhaps the reason it makes many people nervous to have such experiences shared so openly?), is that other people may use your experience as an excuse to validate their own--even when they might not feel the need to draw closer to the Savior from it and instead would prefer to just do/act on whatever they feel they want to. That is presumably the same with any temptation and a reason we don't just 'share' all of our experiences with temptations and/or sins haphazardly. All of our trials and struggles can help bring us closer to the Savior if we allow them to. But not everyone will allow them to. <br />I'm not sure I'm stating that the way it's making sense in my head, nor am I sure it is truth across the board. But hopefully it makes sense and sheds a little bit of insight on your questions. <br />I have a great respect for people who recognize their struggles and trials as opportunities to come closer to Christ. I try to do that with my own trials, but I am far from being perfect at it (or even semi-perfect). So when I see others who can do it, it gives me courage and strength to try to be better myself. And that's just it. We're all here to learn and grow and try harder to do better each day. As well as helping others along the way. :)Debbienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-79821875201078677432017-06-23T14:32:22.534-07:002017-06-23T14:32:22.534-07:00To Anonymous, who can't believe God would want...To Anonymous, who can't believe God would want anyone to be alone throughout their life: I wouldn't say that He does-- but I know there are a great many people who are, and same-sex attraction has nothing to do with it. <br />My aunt was born with a fusion of her upper vertebrae, and her chin protruded from her chest, because her head sat directly on her shoulders, and she had no neck. Her ears were where others have the base of their necks. Her spine was so malformed that she could never stand up straight. No one was ever interested in her romantically, and she never had even single date -although she did have 2 or 3 friends throughout her adult life. And I mean literally, 2 or 3 over the thirty years after she moved out of my grandparents' house. <br />I also have a daughter with Down syndrome. She is not one of the ones who will have self esteem building careers as actors or models, full of recognition and praise. She was not born with the pronounced appearance of Down syndrome, and I thought she would be one of the highly functional ones. But as time went on it became apparent that that would not be the case. She was so unfunctional, in fact, that I was grateful that she would probably never be aware enough to realize that other people fell in love, got married, or had children. I prayed that she would always remain unaware of those things, and never feel the heartbreak of knowing that others had those experiences, but that she never would, especially as her sisters are all likely to have husbands and children. But now, it doesn't look like she will be spared that. In the last year, even though she still doesn't really understand it, she has started talking about 'love' and 'marry' when she sees young couples. Even though she can't grasp that my husband and I love each other and are married, she does realize that young people pair off and get married. That really breaks my heart for her.<br />A couple of years ago, a highly functioning teenaged boy with autism, fell madly in love with with our 4th daughter. He asked her out, constantly, and would tell her that one of the other young men, whom my daughter felt an immediate mutual affinity for, had a 'bad aura' and she should never go near him. The 2nd young man will be home from his mission in six months, and it still looks pretty likely that that relationship will become permanent. But what about the autistic boy? He was heartbroken, and hated the other one, when it became obvious which one our daughter preferrred. Because he knew enough to develop strong emotional attachments to cute girls, but can't understand why they don't return those feelings. At some point, he might meet someone who does, but I don't think anyone thinks that is very likely.<br />Regardless of whether Heavenly Father is really "wants" some of His children to always be alone ... some of them will be. We each have trials, burdens, and tests, and some of us just won't ever experience the type of romance you have described. Even some married people, many from the last (or second last) century never experienced that kind of romance. Life really isn't all about sex or romance. It is about growing, learning, being obedient, changing and overcoming the natural man.<br />My aunt died when she was 56, a few weeks after my youngest cousin's wedding. She had lived with or near their family for twenty ish years, and once Amanda was married, I think my aunt felt like she didn't have to worry about 'her baby' anymore. she died very very shockingly suddenly one night, but decades before, she had been told in a blessing that SHE had chosen to have the trials that she did, before she was ever born, because without those extra burdens, this life just wouldn't have been enough of a challenge for her. If that was true of her, I can't see any reason why it should not be true of any other person who remains alone throughout their time on earth. Kind of gives you new respect for those people, doesn't it?N McChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01173997428431067484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-32163272751050354882017-06-23T10:03:22.369-07:002017-06-23T10:03:22.369-07:00Thank you so much for sharing this. I really enjoy...Thank you so much for sharing this. I really enjoyed it. Your questions were ones I was trying to share. I think the Fairmormon.org article attempts to answer what is the appropriate way for it to be addressed. But it doesn't ask the question. <br /><br />Also anti-Mormon groups are having a field day with this as you mentioned which has been very distracting.DavidPaystruphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07647101666242747332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-18623955340447253292017-06-23T09:42:24.610-07:002017-06-23T09:42:24.610-07:00"Why would a church member who experiences sa..."Why would a church member who experiences same-sex attraction want to share that information with their ward family? "<br /><br />Because LGBT youth are being thrown out of their Mormon homes and many end up with terrible lives. They often turn to prostitution to survive and often turn to drugs to escape their miserable condition and, sadly, many commit suicide.LezFanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14491100539507505327noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-43831451351217790192017-06-23T07:53:43.025-07:002017-06-23T07:53:43.025-07:00Thank you! I loved this!Thank you! I loved this!Marginally Herehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10075359402771570792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-20409531880101443772017-06-22T14:48:20.011-07:002017-06-22T14:48:20.011-07:00Thank you for sharing this post. I have gained a n...Thank you for sharing this post. I have gained a new perspective because of it. My answers to your questions were much different after reading your story than before. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-7883391344069468822017-06-22T08:38:23.838-07:002017-06-22T08:38:23.838-07:00I would hope that no one would put me on a pedesta... I would hope that no one would put me on a pedestal for being day. That would be a really weird thing for them to do. I also hope that we wouldn't shame anyone for their sins, even if they are adulterers. I hope you will take some time watching the stories and reading everything on mormonandgay.lds.org. It took me about four hours to go through all the content. Send me an email with your thoughts when you're done. benschilaty at gmail dot comBenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04151204932376899998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-21601862300432446762017-06-22T08:35:01.598-07:002017-06-22T08:35:01.598-07:00The Lord defines Zion in part as a people that is ...The Lord defines Zion in part as a people that is of one heart and one mind. If we build Diane, we need to understand what is in each other's minds and hearts. Being open about my experiences as part of the ways that I let people into my heart and build Zion. To further answer your question, I do it because God told me to. I invite you to watch all the videos and read all the messages on mormonandgay.lds.org. If you're still feeling uncomfortable with me talking about my experiences being there at church, send me an email and we can talk more. benschilaty at gmail dot comBenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04151204932376899998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-63971929481214948292017-06-22T08:19:28.406-07:002017-06-22T08:19:28.406-07:00Your post is wonderful and exactly how I would wan...Your post is wonderful and exactly how I would want any member of the church to feel. Even better are responses in the comments! Well done!Crystal Davieshttps://www.facebook.com/crystal.davies.7noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-31578679508046902742017-06-22T08:08:24.432-07:002017-06-22T08:08:24.432-07:00"What is the appropriate way for a gay person..."What is the appropriate way for a gay person to come out to their ward?"<br /><br />What is the appropriate way for a person with adulterous feelings to come out to their ward? Why do we put members with SSA on a pedestal, but those of us who struggle with attractions to people other than our spouse are shamed? I can't control it. I haven't acted on it. Do I come out to people as an adulterer and claim that as my identity? Will people celebrate my diversity? I'd like to see if I'll be shamed in this forum like othersJessienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-46108261515757060032017-06-22T07:45:47.662-07:002017-06-22T07:45:47.662-07:00Drew, maybe this message can further clarify the g...Drew, maybe this message can further clarify the gospel's place in the LGBT... community <br />https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd8LkJt9iPIHeather Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17850995893317730862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-87457204561939059142017-06-22T07:35:26.064-07:002017-06-22T07:35:26.064-07:00Why are you so focused on proclaiming gayness in e...Why are you so focused on proclaiming gayness in every talk you give? People who are addicted to drugs and pornography don't mention in their talks about how they smoke weed or watch pornography constantly. They seek help and allow the atonement to change their lives to overcome their problems. Are gays so afraid of Jesus Christ and his atonement that they are not willing to place their burdens on the Lord to help them overcome their difficulties? Are we not all accountable before the Lord for our actions and behavior? If I accept the doctrine of Eternal Marriage wouldn't I do everything in my power to follow those principles? I'm not denying you have these feelings, nor am I preaching hatred. All I am saying is that the atonement can help ANY of us overcome our burdens and that's what we should be working towards. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-49373580796610184252017-06-22T00:34:09.608-07:002017-06-22T00:34:09.608-07:00It is good to hear hear that your experiences of c...It is good to hear hear that your experiences of coming out to your ward have been so positive. Sadly, not everyone lives in a ward where the people are so understanding. It may partially be a difference of Utah Mormonism vs. other places. In my experience many of the wards in Utah can be extremely unforgiving to people who question the faith, or don't live the lifestyle "perfectly". I wish everyone could have the positive experiences you have had.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-84374631991249868962017-06-21T23:41:58.667-07:002017-06-21T23:41:58.667-07:00This entire post has everything to do with the cul...This entire post has everything to do with the culture of the Church and nothing to do with the Gospel of the Church.<br /><br />"Gay" is a description of thoughts and behavior, not an identity.Drewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11976371743465765357noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-48703437881541892052017-06-21T20:02:36.788-07:002017-06-21T20:02:36.788-07:00Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for sharing this. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-26914464872822326292017-06-21T17:59:18.938-07:002017-06-21T17:59:18.938-07:00The best perspective I've read oon this topic ...The best perspective I've read oon this topic in a long time. Thank you for your example and testimony.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-65977127792419314872017-06-21T17:57:05.502-07:002017-06-21T17:57:05.502-07:00I am so grateful for your supportive words. I thi...I am so grateful for your supportive words. I think as a church membership we have a LONG way to go in terms of accepting people where they are and loving without strings. As a fellow Tucsonan- I am proud to join the group who support homosexuals right to be who they are, regardless of what that looks like.Amanda Harbisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12844512257740309324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-20061953085240918932017-06-21T14:22:14.968-07:002017-06-21T14:22:14.968-07:00OMG, I love this article so much! Thank you for be...OMG, I love this article so much! Thank you for being a voice of loving kindness and clarity in this often confusing issue! <3 Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12221072438375065398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7565469030539917833.post-72289888586037025262017-06-21T14:18:51.273-07:002017-06-21T14:18:51.273-07:00Thank you for sharing this. I completely agree! Thank you for sharing this. I completely agree! Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09836328231409824793noreply@blogger.com