Mr. Schilaty say what?

       
Unbeknownst to me (at the time) a girl in one of my classes has been writing down funny things that I say in class. She showed me the list and I was so amused that I asked for a copy. Here are some of my favorites:

“I would say ‘encantada' if I were an enchanted woman… I am NOT an enchanted woman.”

“What were you just doing…? Were you PRAYING?”
“I said attractive… it’s less… offensive.”
Mmmmm… quien es ella??? … Sorry I didn’t mean to sound so creepy.”

“So I… AS A MAN… will never ever ever ever ever ever say ‘nosotras.’”

“Oh, that is an ugly ‘Y’!”
“Will everyone PLEEEEAASE be quiet? Brooke is asking a wonderful question about the homework!”
“How about you smile more so I feel better about it.”

“But…I don’t like people to go potty during learning time.”

Me: “Oooh! Is that your girrrrrlfriend??”…
Student: “That’s my SISTER”

“Socorro! NO BARKING!”

Me: “Oh sorry… my bad…”
Student: “IT IS YOUR BAD”

“I don’t want to have to do that … BUT I WILL”

“I don’t want to be the nicest teacher… I want to be the BEST teacher.”

Me: “What should you be doing in my class?”
Student: “…choosing the right…?”
Me: “I LIKE that one!”

Me: “Come on up!”
Student: “I feel sick! My stomach hurts!”
Me: “I don’t care, c’mon up!”

Me: “You can go to the bathroom when it’s passing time.”
Student: “But that’s a really long time!
Me: “…yes.”

Student: “I like your tie.”
Me: “Me too. It was free!”

Me: “Oh no, what have I done.”

”You guys are best friend? Aww, that’s so cuute!”

“When I was a child, I fell on some rocks at the zoo.”

“Actually, I can’t. That’s really illegal.”

Student: “How do you say Edmonds in Spanish?”
Me: “…Ed-monds...”

“You have a headphone and you must take that out!”
“I’m not going to a dance! I actually think that might be illegal!”

Student: “That’s racial discrimination!”
Me: “We are the same race.”
Student: “No we’re not!”
Me: “…Okay.”

“That’s *air quotes* plagiarism!”

“Let’s all discover the secret word!"

“Y’know what, Madison? …Stay at your level, but don’t drag others down with you.”

Student: “I’ll give you a piece of Hubba Bubba gum!”
Me: “No, but thanks for your Hubba Bubba offer.”

“I am not trippin'.”

“…My name’s not Ben.”

“I’m not a big sweater.”

“Just because they’re girls in my life doesn’t mean I date them or love them.”

“This is not a scary movie. It just has dead people in it.”

Me: “Devin is now known as ‘Boss Dos.’”
Student: "What does that mean?"
Me: “I dunno, probably something offensive.”

Me: “….Dominican Republic.”
Student: “How do you spell that?”
Me: “…DO-MI-NI-CAN RE-PUB-LIC.”

“I’m gonna get rich selling toilet seats and paint.”
“Just because you’re communist doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”

Student: “Mr. Schilaty, do you hate Dana?”
Me: (turning to Dana) “Why would I hate you? You’re Mormon!”
Dana: “But I’m loud and obnoxious!”
Me: “Mormons tend to be like that.”

Student: “Can I sit by someone who doesn’t not like me?”
Me: “That would be hard in this class.”

Me: “Ohh noo, that’s wrong!”
Student: “This is outrageous!"

Student: “If we write this down, can we use it on our test?”
Me: "Do any of you know how to go to school?!