Unbeknownst to me (at the time) a girl in one of my classes has been writing down funny things that I say in class. She showed me the list and I was so amused that I asked for a copy. Here are some of my favorites:
“I would say ‘encantada' if I were an enchanted woman… I am NOT an enchanted woman.”
“What were you just doing…? Were you PRAYING?”
“I said attractive… it’s less… offensive.”
Mmmmm… quien es ella??? … Sorry I didn’t mean to sound so creepy.”
“So I… AS A MAN… will never ever ever ever ever ever say ‘nosotras.’”
“Oh, that is an ugly ‘Y’!”
“Will everyone PLEEEEAASE be quiet? Brooke is asking a wonderful question about the homework!”
“How about you smile more so I feel better about it.”
“But…I don’t like people to go potty during learning time.”
Me: “Oooh! Is that your girrrrrlfriend??”…
Student: “That’s my SISTER”
“Socorro! NO BARKING!”
Me: “Oh sorry… my bad…”
Student: “IT IS YOUR BAD”
“I don’t want to have to do that … BUT I WILL”
“I don’t want to be the nicest teacher… I want to be the BEST teacher.”
Me: “What should you be doing in my class?”
Student: “…choosing the right…?”
Me: “I LIKE that one!”
Me: “Come on up!”
Student: “I feel sick! My stomach hurts!”
Me: “I don’t care, c’mon up!”
Me: “You can go to the bathroom when it’s passing time.”
Student: “But that’s a really long time!
Me: “…yes.”
Student: “I like your tie.”
Me: “Me too. It was free!”
Me: “Oh no, what have I done.”
”You guys are best friend? Aww, that’s so cuute!”
“When I was a child, I fell on some rocks at the zoo.”
“Actually, I can’t. That’s really illegal.”
Student: “How do you say Edmonds in Spanish?”
Me: “…Ed-monds...”
“You have a headphone and you must take that out!”
“I’m not going to a dance! I actually think that might be illegal!”
Student: “That’s racial discrimination!”
Me: “We are the same race.”
Student: “No we’re not!”
Me: “…Okay.”
“That’s *air quotes* plagiarism!”
“Let’s all discover the secret word!"
“Y’know what, Madison? …Stay at your level, but don’t drag others down with you.”
Student: “I’ll give you a piece of Hubba Bubba gum!”
Me: “No, but thanks for your Hubba Bubba offer.”
“I am not trippin'.”
“…My name’s not Ben.”
“I’m not a big sweater.”
“Just because they’re girls in my life doesn’t mean I date them or love them.”
“This is not a scary movie. It just has dead people in it.”
Me: “Devin is now known as ‘Boss Dos.’”
Student: "What does that mean?"
Me: “I dunno, probably something offensive.”
Me: “….Dominican Republic.”
Student: “How do you spell that?”
Me: “…DO-MI-NI-CAN RE-PUB-LIC.”
“I’m gonna get rich selling toilet seats and paint.”
“Just because you’re communist doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”
Student: “Mr. Schilaty, do you hate Dana?”
Me: (turning to Dana) “Why would I hate you? You’re Mormon!”
Dana: “But I’m loud and obnoxious!”
Me: “Mormons tend to be like that.”
Student: “Can I sit by someone who doesn’t not like me?”
Me: “That would be hard in this class.”
Me: “Ohh noo, that’s wrong!”
Student: “This is outrageous!"
Student: “If we write this down, can we use it on our test?”
Me: "Do any of you know how to go to school?!
7 comments:
Those cracked me up!! Anyone would be lucky to have you as a teacher.
Ben.... I have to say.... I think that I even have a list of the funny things you said when we were freshman! It makes me miss you!
Bravo to this student. I would love to sit in on your classes one day too! :)
Hey I found your blog. Mostly because Craig talked about it yesterday. I love this list. I love all the ones when you were mean/funny to one of your students.
"Give your love to my mother."
I think my favorite is the one about the girls in your life that you neither date nor love. Also I'd love to disguise myself as an exchange student and attend your class for like a week.
Mr. Schilaty, it's Dana! I can finally comment on your blog now that you're not my teacher anymore! Muahaha. These quotes are pretty hilarious, I think. Personally. I always wondered what "Ben" or "Ven" meant though. You were always telling kids to "ben" and it confused me. Oh well!
dude!!! these are awesome!!! i totally remember some of them too... by the way this is Megan Hickman! We miss you a lot in class, it just isn't the same but were getting by with Senora Reiman. Thanks for an awesome semester!!!!
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