How Did I End Up Here?

Phil wondering where the other adults are

Last week all the group fitness classes at the U of A rec center were free.  Phil was pumped about this and invited me to go to a class called Butts and Guts with him.  We met up at the rec center and I got to the class about 60 seconds before Phil did.  Our room was still in use so I waited in the hall with all the other class participants.  It was immediately evident that coming to Butts and Guts may have been a very bad idea.  I looked around at all the other people waiting for the class and not only were they all female, but they were all a foot shorter than me and at least ten years younger.  Seriously, a number of them didn't even look like adults yet.  We all had to sign our names on a class roll and since I was dreadfully embarrassed to be there I signed with my Spanish alias -- Benjamin Sanchez.  It's the name I use whenever I have to make a reservation in Spanish since giving them my real name over the phone just seems cruel ("I said Schilaty!  It rhymes with beef patty!"). 

When we got into the room I counted 45 girls and Phil and I were the only boys.  I tried to have a good attitude about it all, but it was a little hard to not feel a little out of place.  Phil is both taller and thinner than me and as I watched us do jumping jacks in the mirror I couldn't help but notice that we kind of looked like giraffes. 

During one of the water breaks I stood in line at the drinking fountain panting heavily from doing burpees for a full minute.  I waited patiently behind three girls who could easily have passed for my daughters, hoping that no one would make eye contact with me.  If they did, I'd either be forced to smile which would make me seem like a flirtatious creeper or I'd look away quickly which would make me look like a rude creeper.  There really wasn't any way of not looking like a creeper in the current situation (especially with all the panting).  When it was my turn to get a drink I pushed the button and the water shot way higher than I had expected completely soaking my face.  As I walked back to my spot with water dripping off my eye brow, surrounded by not yet physically mature sorority girls, I couldn't help but think to myself, "How did I end up here?"

For the next few days my legs were so sore I couldn't stand up without complaining.  Phil, Eric, and I went to Core and More (I really love the class names, by the way) a few days later which resulted in me not being able to sit up in bed for a few days.  Sitting up was too painful so I just had to role out of bed and flop onto the floor.  I think the pain was worth it, though, because my butts and guts now look, well, pretty much the same.